a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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