i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
