Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
