p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
