i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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