Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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