I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
