You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
