my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize