U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
