wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
