I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
