Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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