I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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