Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
