a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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