he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
God, I missed his penis.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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