the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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