Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
