why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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