i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
