remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
