Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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