He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i was born a porn star she said
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
