I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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