I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
