she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
