i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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