Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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