Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
