perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
