I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize