also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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