I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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