I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize