I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
