Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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