Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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