it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
