My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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