I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
