I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize