nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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