I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Someone came in the potted fern
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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