Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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