Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize