Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Buhtt sex?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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