8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
