Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
