Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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