fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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