Sry I called you an 8
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
