I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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