I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize