So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have already put on my inside pants.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
