"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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