I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize